voices willson


Stained Glass Murals; Willson's Journal 15 

After a long period of silence. Some quick entries into computers by Institute students. I think I saw some exchanges of looks between some of the students and Innovator Man. After another pause Innovator Man speaking in a weary, disappointed voice thanks the students from Institute for their time and help. He then slaps the table in front of him, stands up, and says “we are done here.” No one looks at me or says anything as they all quickly walk past me out of the room.

I didn’t go hiking after work today.

On the third day of Orientation we have a ‘Tour of the Departments.’ Or I do anyway, being the only new employee. The tour does not start until mid-morning so I have free time after I arrive. I decide to look at The Center Library, which for some reason is not listed on the tour. I get to the Library door just at the time it is supposed to open and try the door. Still closed, but just as I try it I hear a voice behind me “let me open that for you.” It is a male voice I know but I don’t recognize the man who opens the door. He is about my age and walks with a limp. His badge has a green strip. How fast I become of part of all this! He goes in and turns on the lights and I follow. The Library is in a large bright room. There is a counter with computers on it and behind rows of shelves with books and I think reports. I recognize familiar Engineering manuals and general knowledge Encyclopedias on shelves off to my left. To my right I see racks of daily newspapers from around the word as well as popular magazines. Next to the newspapers there is a doorway and I see the lights go on in a ‘Reading Room.’ I look at one of the newspapers when the familiar voice says “You still believe what you read in the newspapers Willson?”

I look at the man again and memories come back “Lewis is that you.” “It’s near all of me Willson.” He had put on some weight, now back to a normal man’s weight. And now with civilian haircut and clothing. I look at him and don’t know what to say. Should I ask about it? “I came by because I am to go on a tour of the departments today and the Library is not listed on the tour.” “No surprise, most forget we are here.” “How long have you been with Center?” “Several years now. The medical people told me I couldn’t go back to being on my feet and climbing all days. Those hills on my ancestral lands would be too much.” “You must miss Ag Valley.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. “I get back there. I’d still like you to visit sometime” he answers. “My older sisters and their families are doing well with the vineyards. Better than I would have done” “How did you…” “Willson the Veterans’ people gave me some tests and suggested this work, and even put me through school. I like this here. I am on my feet again. I’m OK now.”  

“I am just starting and this is my orientation week” is all I say. “Yes, I saw your name on the list of new people. I would probably have remembered to send you a note, maybe not.” He grins. “Anyway Willson I am glad that you went back to school and finished with your Engineering.” I feel I can ask more now. “We heard that you were going to recover from one of the guys who had a friend in the hospital where they took you back near the Capital. That you even might walk again.” Then with some shame I add “I meant to write you…” I trail off. “You did. Once. A card you signed with some of the other guys.” I must look ashamed, he then says “I didn’t write anyone in our unit either. We make close friends and think we are going to stay close for the rest of our lives but once we are back to real life. I don’t think anyone does.” I say that I never heard from anyone again. “Yes we hope to forget. Willson, I remember you were always writing in those journals. That you knew a lot about of the country.” “I forget about the journals at times. I am almost afraid to look at them again. But I guess I will have to sometime.” I have to get going so I don’t miss the tour. So I tell Lewis it is good to see him and that I will visit again and so on. As I leave the Library he says “Willson all that happened because a country we never heard of asked The Nation for some new parts for their old worn out trains.”

I silently walk back through the halls to where the tour starts. Sad memories. I hope I don’t have any dreams. Really those were the longest weeks I can remember. I wrote a lot down at the time.

In fear I was expecting Pity Woman to lead the tour, but instead Round Giggling Woman from the Interview will be escorting me around. She doesn’t say anything, just looks at me now and then and giggles. We ride from department to department in a cart driven by a Security Guard. I get in the front of the cart next to the Guard. Giggling Woman sits in the back.

And so we stop and see Management, People Resource, Intern Placement, Media Relations, Non-People Resources, Security, Accounting, Auditing, Assessment, Reviewing, Reassessment, Reconsidering, Revisiting, Technical Writing, Duplications, Shipping, Receiving, Keeping, Physical Plant, Spiritual Plant, Creativity, Innovation, Planning, Engineering, Design, and finally my department, Manufacturing, which we don’t visit because I am going there tomorrow anyway. All we get to see in any department is the first room you enter where the secretaries sit. These rooms all look the same. The big difference between them is the colors of the furniture and walls that corresponds with the badge color that allows access. At one point the cart pulls to the side as Lacquered Woman and her two assistants float by, without speaking or even looking over at us. It makes me feel good to see that their badges have a yellow strip. We finish the tour without taking too much time.  

At the end of the tour Giggling Woman hands the Guard a small, folded piece of paper and giggling points back at me. He lets her off back at her office at People Resource Department. Then he hands me the piece of paper, shaking his head but saying nothing. It is an invitation to a retirement ceremony that will be held by the main entrance to The Center. That will be the last thing for today and I have about a half an hour until then. So I ask the Guard to drive me to Manufacturing, my department, so I am able to find it tomorrow where I start my final two days of Orientation. I thank the Guard for going out of his way. He answers that he is glad to do it, and in a very low voice adds “its way better than being an Intern.” I don’t know what he means as I get out of the cart. I look around a few minutes by the entrance to the Manufacturing Wing telling myself that this is where it is for me from now on.   

I find the retirement ceremony near the main entrance, after a long walk back down long hallways. There are decorations and a table with sweets and drinks. There is a row of seats for managers. The few like me who came to watch stand off to the side. Giggling Woman is doing the ceremony. She stops to giggle every few words.

We learn that the retirement ceremony is for an unpaid Intern who spent 35 years, during which he ‘interned’ in several of the departments. He now wears a very faded and tattered dark shirt and light trousers. His badge has a blue strip. First we learn that he is ‘honored’ by being invited to join the Retired Employees Group, Unpaid Interns’ Section. Pity Woman, with the full look, is there standing behind him. She sees me, her face darkens, and she quickly writes something in a small notebook. The Intern’s family is there, including children and grandchildren. They are sitting close to him offering support. Giggling woman manages to say in starting the ceremony that Center rules require that unpaid interns must retire after 35 years. And they are not allowed to return after to serve The Center as ‘volunteers.’ And his ‘permanent record’ will always be in the files of the Management Citadel. I see the Chaplain is there, trying to stay awake.

Each department head where he worked, as member of ‘The Management Team’ will speak in turn. At each speaker’s comment Pity Woman pats the Intern on the shoulder as he sits, his head bowed. They all say how much they liked him and hoped he would earn a permanent position with The Center. How they encouraged him of this possibility throughout the years. As they say to all Interns ‘trust in what the next day could bring.’ One joked on how they knew he ‘needed the money.’ And how they admired him to be able to support a family and use his education all these years without a salary. And how he had ‘earned’ the right to a blue strip on his badge. One department head, while waiting his turn to speak, is holding a piece of paper between his thumb and forefinger. He pulls the paper out. And trying not to change the space holds his thumb and forefinger up to the light to see if he can see between the space. He puts the paper back and does it again. When it is his turn to speak he holds his thumb and forefinger up as he has practiced and tells how the Intern ‘came this close’ several times to getting a paying job.’ The department head thinks this is funny and has a laugh where he snorts. The Intern’s wife sobs and her grandchildren move closer to her. Then the ceremony ends and they all get up, including the Chaplain, and slowly walk the Intern and his family out the main entrance.

Now I understand what the Guard meant. I am a little sick as I leave today. Another entry for my Dictionary, what word for evil that comes from people who think they are doing good?

The last two days were much better. I am at last in the Manufacturing Wing of The Center. Jaemes greets me at a very large flat table not too far inside from the entrance. He is very friendly and tells me he is happy I am still here and stayed even after the first three days of Center Orientation. We have a few minutes to talk. I tell him I about seeing Lewis, who I once knew, at the Library. “Willson, I had military service also, but much earlier that you. We learn not to say anything here because it makes most people feel uneasy.” Then Jaemes tells me to take the first day to look around. And to feel at ease and that we here in the Wing are in a secure place and nobody else in Center can annoy us. He tells me that later he and some of the other manufacturing engineers will be consulting with some engineers (’red strip engineers’) coming over to the Wing to bring a new project. And that I can watch and see how they work things out. And tomorrow I will find out what I will be working on first.  

(continued on Page 4)

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Thomas McDonald, Arroyo Country, 2015 ©
 
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