There are things I am supposed to know. I learn
this again because of days like today. My first day of ‘Orientation Week’ for
my new job at Nation’s Research Center. I did not sleep much last night. I could
not be late today. Been all ready from early this morning. I have to move
closer to the Center sometime. Find a house of my own. I don’t ever want to be
late. No more job interviews and orientations ever again. And no ‘outside the
walls.’ And that first Royalty Check
that came from LoneStar yesterday for my ‘math guide’ would not keep me off any
wall.
***
[As
we have noted before the Editors warn the reader that we suspect Willson at
times allows his imagination free reign as he records his narrative.]
I will be going to the People Resource Department
again at the Center itself. My appointment is for 9:00AM and I arrive at the
Center plenty early, stop at the First Security Gate and tell one of the Guards
why I am here, and reach the Second Security Gate where again I tell one of the
Guards why I am here. While I wait as he makes a phone call I see more workers
outside the wall at a distance up high on boards supported by ladders working on
the same part of the wall I saw them work on before but they are painting now.
I can see cans of paint several places on the boards. They are still being
yelled at by a man on the ground, but I can’t hear from this distance. I watch
as I wait. The man on the ground looks away for a moment and looks back just in
time to jump aside as a can of paint falls on the ground next to him, I think
splashing him with paint. Now he is really moving walking back and forth waving
his arms and pointing and yelling at the men up on the boards. They all continue
to paint ignoring him. The Security Guard hangs up the phone and looks at his
list, checks my identification papers, and gives me a ‘Temporary Identification
Badge’ to hang around my neck. He directs me to another Security Guard who has also
been looking towards the work party with amusement. He motions me into a
motorized cart, chuckling. We drive inside.
I thought I would be going to the area where I had
my interview but I see that we are driving past that down a long plain corridor
deep into the Center towards the mountains. The few people we see move aside
for us. Some go in or out of the few plain doors. After some minutes we reach
the end of the corridor and turn to our right to a very steep path going up,
with stairs on both sides. On our left a few people are slowly walking up with
worried or guilty looks on their faces. On our right a few are briskly walking
down with relieved looks on their faces. We climb the path until we make a
sharp left turn and continue up until we hit another right turn. Then the paths
levels off and we stop in an open area next to columned walls. Carved into the
wall above the columns I read Management
Citadel. I certainly was not here before. The Guard driving the cart
quietly tells me that this is where I go when I am told I have to ‘go up the
hill.’ There are more Security Guards at the entrance under a sign that says We in Management Serve. I get out of the
cart and one of the Guards escorts me through the large ornate doors and down a
shorter hallway to the ‘People Resource’ section and on to the door of the office
I am supposed to go to. I am just a few minutes early.
I wait a moment, take a deep breath, and enter. Inside
there is a secretary seated facing the door on the side wall and not the
entrance. Am I right that the first woman you see in the office the secretary? She
does not turn her head but turns her eye towards me, breaks a big grin and bites
the end of her thumb, and tells me it will ‘be just a few moments.’ She eyes,
or should I say ‘eye’, me another moment grinning. Her eye turns back towards
the door, her thumb come out of her mouth, and she did not move, nor did I, for
the next forty minutes or so. If she is the secretary what does she do? I see
nothing to do or read except the sign on the wall beneath the clock that reads Time: use it good! I read that more than
once and look at the clock more than once until the secretary turns her eye
back towards me, grins, bites her thumb end again, and says “oh you can go in
now.” I take another deep breath. I smile and try to feel happy and walk
quickly to the door. At the door I look back at the secretary. She is now
facing towards the entrance to the office looking at me with the other eye. I
open the door.
I am surprised to see that the office is narrow
and deep. Across the long floor at the back wall behind a desk is Pity Woman
again looking down through some papers. She does not look up at me. I start
walking across towards the two chairs that are side by side in front of the
desk. My legs feel weak. As I start to sit in the chair on my right Pity Woman slams
the papers down on her desk. “Are you able to move to the other chair?” I
quickly move to the other chair. I see she has framed photos of cats on her desk
and on the wall behind her. There is a sign on the wall above We Are Very Open Here. I sit for long
moments in silence until she says, still not looking at me “am I going to have trouble
from you?” I have no answer.
“This Department is where we keep Your Permanent Record.” She looks at the
papers. And then she goes on to explain that my Performance Evaluations and all other paperwork such as Disciplinary Reports will be part of the
Record. She looks directly at me and looks
like she is trying to remember something. For a long moment. Then suddenly she looks
away again. I thought she was going to explain more details about the
‘evaluations’ and ‘reports’ but if she was I think she forgot to.
Still looking away she starts talking. She slightly
wiggles and settles into her chair. Her voice goes up and down almost like she
is singing. Her eyes have no expression. It is like listening to a recording.
It doesn’t matter to a recording who is listening. She starts with “are you
able to be on time?” On time! Really! She talks about the importance of
‘attitude’ in employees here at the Center. How an employee must walk in a room
just the ‘proper’ way. To walk in a room and not to be too ‘bold’ and not to be
too ‘hesitant.’ And “has anyone talked to you about this?” How the walk has to
be ‘respectful’ and yet ‘confident’ and ‘happy.’ Walk as an educated person,
but do not have an ‘elite stride.’ What is that? How my smile has to be ‘happy;’
be careful not to smile but not seem ‘happy.’ And how when you talk you can said
one thing, while your face can ‘express’ another. Be careful about that. This
is all part of being the ‘Right Kind of Person.’ She seems to enjoy telling these
things. I do not say anything. She stops and there are some moments of silence.
There after some more settling in her chair she put
on a dark military style hat. She begins again and tells me there is a
‘Employee Dismissal Process.’ Then a pause as she works a handle next to her
chair up and down that makes her sit up higher. That ‘Dismissal’ is the result
of an ‘inadequate’ Permanent Record. And “has anyone talked to you about this?”
How when an employee is dismissed he or she has the right to a ‘Dismissals
Chaplain.’ They don’t have to take the traditional tour of the departments as
they are being escorted out of the Center without the comforts of a Dismissals
Chaplain. Her mouth is watering so much now she can hardly talk. The employee
being dismissed is presented to each major department and where his or her
failings are explained. Here he or she can make their case begging for another
chance to be a good employee. The department can take a vote asking to give the
employee another chance. As the employee continues several select
representatives of the department joins the procession to the front gate. There
is a Marching Band made up of
employee volunteers that will accompany at the request of the employee being
dismissed. There is a final count to see if the departments voted to give the
employee another chance. And the employee can give another ‘tearful plea.’ She
is talking very slowly now. A second chance ‘seldom happens.’ The Department
votes ‘do not matter in any case.’ And so almost always the dismissed employee
experiences the ‘exiting ceremony’ of former co-workers pushed him or her outside
the gate, and placing his or her office or shop possessions on the ground
behind before the gate is closed. I have to stop myself from doing something like
I did at the Corrections Campus interview.
As so, she continues, it is very important to us
here at People Resource that we always have an accurate assessment of the
performance of our employees. Above all we want to be ‘fair and just’. So we
ask that employees that are ‘the right kind of people’ work to ‘help us’. If we
know an employee has a problem we can help if we know in time. And she adds
that we are ‘very open here.’ I look at the sign again. If I think someone I
work with needs help I will try to help them. But I don’t know what she means. She
stops and has to recover like she has been running up a hill. There are some
moments of silence again.
She smiles and her face softens. She takes off the
hat. Now she tells me about the Retired Employees Group. Her chair lowers. Those
who are fortunate enough to spend their entire career with the Center and have
retired honorably can be ‘accepted’ into the Retired Employees Group. Something
to look forward to. Her voice is gentle now, almost kind, though she still never
looks directly at me. I learn that the Group meets regularly and has activities
such as recitals where they take turns reading passages from their old
performance evaluation reviews. And the Group has theatrical performances where
they reenact past employee interview panels. They take turns being interviewed
and being on the panels. And they perform in a yearly Dramatic Pageant based upon legendary employee dismissals. The
Group works all year on this. Then sudden silence as she places a small sign on
her desk We are Done Here and turns
away and looks towards some photos on the wall, stroking the edge of the hat. I
get up silently and quickly walk out. My legs feel weaker.
(continued
on Page 2)
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