Public Affairs as Situation Comedy
The area around us in the restaurant filled
up quickly. After the food arrived Jerome took a small can of pepper out of his
pocket and shook it over the mac and cheese. “You guys want some pepper? I
don’t like the way they grind the pepper in restaurants.” We passed the can
around the table, heads down trying not to look right or left. When we did look
up several of the groups seated nearby were passing the pepper can around. Then
we were part of an expanded and lively group. We all relaxed. Notebooks open.
“Guys I have to meet with some
television people in the morning. I am going to pitch, they call it ‘pitch,’ my
idea for a situation comedy they can put on television. Pitch means I am going
to tell them about my idea.” What is it we ask. Your idea that is. “It’s about
the government and ‘public affairs.’ It’s really about saving money. I have to
tell you first about situation comedies.” We tell him that this might be
interesting. The government certainly has situations. He nods and says “some situation
comedies are simply what they call slapstick, people falling over things,
knocking down things. Others are about people screwing up simple things. Some,
I guess, are about nothing.”
“The better ones are about situations
that we all could imagine ourselves in where things happen that show us the
foolish ways of human kind. They are funny in the context of the situation. These
cost a lot of money to do because they have to pay writers to sit around a
table and make stuff up. And there have been a few about how government works. Few
good; most not so good. But here I think is material that has not lived up to
its potential. I mean for humor, and we have to including black humor because
screw-ups and misunderstandings by a government can be very bad for some poor
devils somewhere.” We all take another drink. And agree.
“Why I say it’s really about money is
because if the situations are about the government, you don’t need writers. You
can’t make this stuff up. All they have to do is have someone read the
newspapers and watch TV news." "Are you going to give them some examples of these
in your pitch we ask? “Oh yes. I have some for a new situation comedy they
could call Public Affairs. They would
probably come up with a better name. I will tell them a couple of examples.” We
open to a page in our notebooks.
“My first is the bank failures. Do I
really need another? Evil and stupidity
that any trailer park or third world backwater would be ashamed to have been
accused of. Would have brought down the world’s economy if the government
hadn’t used tax-payers’ money to salvage the banks. A portion of these funds go
to signing bonuses to the very executives who caused the problems. ‘Why are you
paying such high salaries to the same people who are responsible for the
problem in the first place?’ One might ask. The answer is ‘this is necessary to
retain the best people!’ Laugh track follows. And I ask you has there ever been
a better punch line in a situation comedy than ‘to retain the best people’?” We
have to admit that we can’t think of a better one.
“If another example is needed here
there is the embargo of a certain small country. Whatever this was supposed to
cause to happen did not happen. It did not
work for 50 years. But
if anyone suggest that the embargo should be ended the answer is ‘we have to give it more
time’ And then the laugh track.”
The waiter comes by and we order another
round of drinks. The people seated around us have turned their chairs and moved
them closer. They also order a round. Jerome takes a sip and continues.
“And
I will tell them tomorrow that they can include the ‘public affairs’ shows that
come on Sunday morning. These have already written themselves. The hosts on
these shows are usually too dumb to see humor or contradictions in what is
said. So they make excellent ‘straight men.’ All the producers have to do is
add ‘laugh tracks’ to some of the lines after the shows are recorded. In some
interviews they can add text across the bottom of the screen. People will think
they are watching a situation comedy and laugh. So a lot more people will watch
these shows. Some examples.”
“A
rotund public moralist appears on Sunday morning promoting his latest book to teach
the proper ways of living to the undesirable elements in the lower orders of
society. Text across the bottom of the screen tells how the public moralist ‘gambles
away millions of dollars on the electronic slot machines.’ All you have to do
is add a laugh track.”
“A
crackpot economist is explaining that to raise revenues for government you have
to first lower taxes. If
tax cuts do not raise government revenue you need even more lower tax cuts.
Then you have to give it time to work. Laugh track.”
“A
gun guy is issuing dire warnings. The dialog with the host goes something like
this: ‘We
don’t want the government to take our guns?’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because we may need our guns for
protection?’
‘From
who?’ ‘From the
government.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because the
government may try to take our guns.’ Then the laugh track.”
“Another economist is explaining
derivatives ‘they are nothing, but derive
from something that is something. Well what? Instruments. etc. The
text at the bottom of the screen says things like: ‘A way to pass money back
and forth and keep some every time.’ Laugh track. ‘You don’t want to be the
last guy who has one of these when it all comes down.’ More laugh track.”
Then
Jerome sits back and says “You guys are already thinking of your own examples.” And we have to admit; yes indeed
we are!